Have you ever had one of those heart-to-hearts with your friends where you try to envision your “perfect guy” and read off your list of characteristics for what you want your future boyfriend to be like? You know what I’m talking about… “he has to have blond hair, blue eyes, play this sport, play that instrument, not do drugs, be a Christian”, and your “list” continues on forever. I will be the first to admit, I have definitely been guilty of having these types of conversations multiple times over the course of my teenage years. For years we have fantasized these lists into an expectation that when our future spouse finally comes along he’ll match up with every single thing on the checklist. This practice is called the “consumer mentality” because by focusing only on the characteristics of a person, we are treating them like a product we want to consume rather than a person we want to love. In only pursuing a long list of descriptions we may miss out on who people are as a whole. The problem arises when our desired characteristics are unreasonably complex and we forget who truly is in charge of our love story. Sweet friend, let me once again remind you God is the one who is ultimately in charge of your love story. He has someone far greater than you could ever imagine whether that man meets a single point on your checklist or not.
Although specific physical characteristics are not a dire necessity (rather a potential added bonus), it is important to have standards for a potential guy. If you are seeking a man after God’s heart there are definitely certain qualities to seek out in a future boyfriend that you should keep in mind. Seek strong character. Seek a man who doesn’t just go to church but is the church, and loves tell others about Jesus. Seek a man who you know will put you second, and God first. Seek a man who leads. Seek a man who loves others and his family so well. Seek a man who has his foundation on THE rock, not just the man who can afford a rock. His character and love for Jesus is very important, pay attention and never settle for anything less than God’s best. When we settle everyone involved wastes their heart and time, be patient and pray for God’s greater plan to be revealed to you. I promise you these guys still exist they are just more difficult to find than the classic school flirt.
In the bible Jesus lays out the perfect expectation for love and the kind of man we should seek in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
These are the qualities we should look for in guys, not whether or not they are the star quarterback with brown hair and green eyes. Jesus cares about our character, therefore, we also need to make character a priority.
It’s no secret the vast majority of the season of singleness is obviously spent in anticipation of a future partner. But, this time is also a fantastic opportunity to take advantage of preparing your heart for a future partner. In the previous two posts I noted that falling in love with Jesus, and falling in love with your self were important. What do you do when you feel you’re finally ready to fall in love with your Mr. Right? Well first, pray and wait on God’s divine plan and timing. Secondly, I believe one of my favorite pastors said it best when he posed the question:
“Are you who the person you’re looking for is looking for?” -Pastor Andy Stanley
There is truly great power in the depth of this question. We have all these expectations for what they need to be like but, do we match them? Do we love Jesus with the same passion as the person we’re pursuing does? Do you treat your family with respect and have strong morals like you expect them to? Do you pursue truth, joy, and adventure like you want them to? Attraction is a two way street, it is completely essential in any Christ-centered relationship that both you and your partner pursue Jesus at the same level. Be yourself and evaluate if what you are currently looking for, is truly God’s best for you.
The most important point I believe I could ever make on singleness is WAIT TO BE PURSUED. A man who pursues you will be a man who will lead you. A man who pursues you is a man who cares about you and your spiritual purity. A man who pursues you will make it clear, because we serve a God of peace not of confusion. Allowing a man to pursue you first is a sign of self-respect. And honestly, if you ask any respectable guy they will tell you, they truly respect it more when girls aren’t constantly throwing themselves at them. Trust in God’s plan enough to allow him to perfectly craft out your future relationship in his timing.
Singleness is a gift is so valuable with so many cool opportunities. If you are at a point in your life where you feel God is about to call you into a relationship with the right guy, I couldn’t be happier for his plans at work in your life. For those of you who aren’t quite there yet, that is okay! Take this season of life to assess what your looking for, and who you are in Jesus. Check out Proverbs 31 tonight to see what a woman whole-heartedly pursuing Jesus looks like. Put down your boy checklists and pick up your bible. One of the hardest things to do in this life is gaining the patience to wait for God’s divine plan to reveal itself but trust that he will because God always follows through with his promises. My prayer for each of you as the final step to this singleness series comes to a close is that, you would passionately fall madly in love with Jesus first, learn to love and respect the incredible woman he made you to be, and that in his timing he would bring your forever groom into your life so that you could live happily ever after.